Happy Birthday again! =)

10^th August.

Hey!

I know I know I  don’t blog as much as before and when I do it’s not like before XD.

Am sorry. Not. *Grinning*

Yes a lot of things have changed around me. About me. Things that will never be the same.

Stopped arguing though with myself. Why did this happen and that and blah blah.

I don’t care any more. (I do care -_- But I just don’t care to care that do I care anymore? Makes sense to you?)

Anyhow. It’s Ramadan. And. I feel nothing. As in I feel a lot of things but I feel nothing…I’m ok with it. Getting used to everything now…

Am so confused myself. Doubt you would actually even understand what am talking about :S

Soooo…I miss my lil girls XD <3

Hated my job cuz of many things…But…The kids just made it all so special.

They made me feel so loved…So loved that I can’t tell you. They made my world so beautiful. There compliments on my clothes made my day. Hehe XD

So this week…a few friends posted about how much they love their Dads and wishing them Happy Birthday…

And here I am writing a post for you, Dad. =]

I don’t think I’ll make a cake this time. Things got awkward last time…And then everyone will be just sad.

So I’ll just try to be happy on 14^th August cuz it’s going to be your birthday and because I love you.

Sometimes I think how you are right now.

And as I grow up…Day by day…I realize how much of a bad daughter I have been.

No ones knows it. But I do. And it’s a very bad feeling XD.

And I can’t do anything to make it go away!

Not any words. Not anything.

Love you, Dad.

13^Th August.

An hour left for it to be the 14^th.

I’m sorry Dad I made no cake XD

I’m so sorry.

I just wish you’re fine where ever you are =)

And just that I love you so much!

Happy Birthday.

Really missing you today.

One more time. Just one...

I am very low right now.

Confused. Things are really messed up in my head right now.

I really miss him.

And looking at this picture with him made me cry.

The white hair. I still remember how they were XD. The texture…

Your skin was so soft and just…you.

And I can’t…Can’t stop thinking about how your last moments were. Your last few minutes.

Must’ve been painful?

I still wish to take the pain away from you. Be me please. And not you.

But nothing happens.

I am still here. Trying to live on with life and still trying to accept the fact that you’re gone. I do have good times too. But...No you to make proud.

Can you believe it…It’s going to be one whole year next month.

I’m scared. Scared to face that day. Time flies. Why? WHY?

And I clearly remember all that happened since then. Everything. 
I have played the scenes over and over in my head.

11 March. You left. We find out on the 13^th. See you last on the 15^th.

I want to see you once more.

I hope it’s not dark where you are.

I miss you calling me every night before sleeping so I could daba-fy your legs.

And when Mom asked me to separate  the Mint and Parsley leaves..I’d come to you. So you could do it cuz I  hated it.

And how I was proud to have a Dad like you.

I still am.

You were surely the best Dad anyone could ever have.

The only one who supported and let me drink pepsi. And you’d usually bring me chocolates and gums. And Mom would scold you cuz she said you wasted money XD.

Always quiet. Your presence…I can’t say anything.

I can’t question.

I can’t do anything.

You were so sweet and kind to everyone.

And what did you get? A life full of problems and betrayal!

Oh how I hate everyone for doing that to you Dad.

Selfish F****** Bastards.  XD.

Every time I'm sad. Anything happens. I always end up thinking and crying about you.

And then that thing I was sad about...seems so silly and stupid to me. 

Again in the end I come back to your last minutes.

Imagining it is just so painful. What must have you felt in real then?

What did you last think? Did it hurt when you fell? What did you see before that?

Why you?
...
...
...

I wish I was in your place.

Happy Birthday!

Normally it would be like....
You'd be sleeping. IT'S 12 O'CLOCK. We all gather and come in your room...Holding the cake I made XD.
Wake you up...And..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!" =D =D =D And hugs and smiles...
Always made chocolate...Even though you never liked it! XD. 

Now...

Today I made a cake...Yes chocolate again....

IT'S 12 O'CLOCK! XD. Nothing happens. I'm all panicked in the kitchen and my heart beating fast...Because I still have so  much to do :S

It's 12:06....

Mom... "You can wish me at 12......".

"MOM. It's already 12 XD". *Walks out of the kitchen*.

Mom in the kitchen. Bhai in his room. Annie doing her own work. Crying too. XD.

Laiba busy playing with the kids...and doesn't remember it's your birthday...

All so separated. So I just walk in to your room. Sit down. Think of it again...

Of how it would've been if you were still here. :S XD. 

Then around 12:30...We cut the cake =D Bhai cut it. I wanted to cut it. D: Weird I tell you =[ 

Hehe. I remember telling Rija and SaraH earlier this year that how much I wished for you to be
 old...too old...so that you could do nothing...And then *I* would do everything for you. 
*I* would. 
Don't have more words...or anything to say...
....
....
....
Just...Happy 59th Birthday! XD. =)

(2007) - Dammam. =]

(2007) - Eid. Hehe. Love your smile...

(2009). Home. Meh! Strong grip Xd. 

Dammam again. All the cats came. =| 

=]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

1st March - 2009. Last picture ever. XD.

For you. =]
Love you. 

A post for the man I loved.

9:46 P.M.

4 weeks and 6 days ago I saw you for the last time. I wish I knew it was the last time.

Thursday Morning. I should’ve been up. I should’ve seen you leave…I should’ve hugged you. 

I didn’t.  

Tomorrow. Thursday again. Going to be 5 weeks. One month and four days. 

5 weeks ago You went missing. We got worried. All sorts of possibilities in my head.

Maybe you fainted some where.

Maybe some one stole your mobile that’s why you weren’t picking up our calls.

Maybe you got injured and can’t remember the way back home.

Maybe…Maybe.

Friday I told a friend I won’t eat till you come back. And that I’ll eat with you.

Saturday morning. I cried. Wondering where you are…and have you eaten anything.

Saturday evening. Annie on the phone. I heard her say in a weak voice…

“You positive?”

My glasses fell. I backed into my room. I screamed. I kicked. I fell down. I pulled my hair. 

People came running saying what’s wrong…calm down…and all I was screaming…

“I want you back. Its not true.”

They forced me to drink water. I wanted to take the glass and throw it away. Break it.

Destroy everything. I didn’t. I felt really weak.

Monday evening. I saw you. 

They didn’t let me touch you. I was so upset about that. 

Aap meray ho. And and meri marzi. So I touched your arm when nobody was looking.

But I couldn’t feel you. You were wrapped up in…clothes…and cotton.

You had cotton on your nose too. Fresh red blood on it. 5 days in the freezer. And yet you looked as if you were sleeping. XD. I REALLY wanted to touch your face. 

I’m so mad. Why didn’t they find your glasses and ear-piece?

Main screw ker doon gi sab ko. Aap wait kero.

You know what Dad…Bhai has really changed. It still feels like a bad dream. A part of me doesn’t believe it. Like the bell will ring any second…I’ll run and open the door…and there XD. You’re standing. And you’ll tell me to tell Mama to get the dinner ready XD.

I love you. And I feel so unloved now. I took out your pens from your briefcase :$.

All I needed was a little more time with you. I had it planned you know.

I’ll grow up. You’ll be old. You’ll have no other option but to depend on me. And I'll be so happy. That was going to be the time when *I* was going to do something for you XD.

I wanted to show you what I could be. Show you that you need no one more than your daughter. 

A few months ago I actually told Rija and SaraH that I can’t wait for you to be old XD. 

I HAD TO DO SO MUCH FOR YOU!

LOOK AT ME NOW DAD! Jus look at me.

I’m heart broken. I feel empty. I lie to people EVERYTIME they ask me how am I.

I can’t concentrate on school. I can’t do anything. EVERYTHING. Reminds. Me. Of. YOU!

The sofa you sat on always. I sit on it at times. I try to feel you. =/

Mama leaves the bedroom light on every night. No one sleeps there now. Because Laiba gets upset.

I can like still like feel it. I’m on the computer. And you come in. Look at me. Then the screen. Then you jus take your blanket and go to your room. Or you jus sit with me.

Come sit with me now. :’) I’d hug you so hard =/

I miss coming home and you opening the door for me and hiding EVERYTIME behind the door XD. It used to make me angry *hehem*. Do it now. I’ll be more than happy to see you hiding some where right now.

I miss your fries. And zo my gawd. Your Salad was The Best Salad ever (Y).

I miss you watching T.v on loud volume XD.

I miss you telling the same joke over and over again. That used to annoy me too. And now I’m dying to hear your voice.

I miss you calling me every night before you slept. 

I miss you bringing pepsi for me every time you came home. XD. You were the only one who let me drink how much ever I wanted. And and I remember Bhai stopping me and you’d jus take the bottle from him and give it to me.

I miss pulling your cheeks. I loved your dimple. And I think you looked awesome in white hair. =)

I miss everything.

I used to get tears in my eyes every time you smiled and were happy. XD.

I could’ve done anything for you. Seriously.

I wanted to go before you. =/ I’m so upset now.

I jus hope you’re in peace XD. InshAllah InshAllah InshAllah. =).

And what kills me the most is when I think about the pain you felt that day. 

Whether it was for a minute. Second. Millisecond. I wish I could take the pain away from you.

It really hurts to think or see some one I dearly love in pain. 

I feel as if I can tolerate it more =/ You be happy. XD.

I broke my shoe today. We were jus going to enter Faisliyah. And it broke. It were the boots you loved XD. I was so upset. XD. And because they had like a huge sole. I looked like a retard walking…And some people were laughing at me…So Annie told me to take the other shoe off too =|

So bahaha I walked around Faisliyah without shoes Papa :D It was funny :P

So we bought me new shoes \m/ Annie said buy pumps <.< I went for slippers instead =D And and like they were all so expensive =| But I got these awesome slippers I really love jus for 51 \m/  They’d fit you too Dad. =)

I was upset when Mom gave your clothes away. XD. 

Like not upset. I felt angry. Possessive. My dad. His things are mine too. =/

I know I know I act like a kid at times =/ I just love you a lot.

“Rubbir Humhuma Kama Rabba yaani Sagheerun”.

What upset me more today was when I heard about Ammar…Grade 10…XD.

Road accident too.

I jus hope he didn’t feel pain either. XD.

And that his soul is at peace. And God forgives his sins. Makes day of judgment easy for him like you. XD. InshAllah. And give his family patience jus like he gave us XD.

And I’m still going to try to do all that I wanted to do if you were still here. XD.

I love you a lot. XD. 

PCG =D

Hey =D XD.

Omg. I’m blogging after a long time XD. And I have a feeling that it’s going to be one long post =D =D HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? I’m great. Perfect. =) Ly.

Baha get to the point silly Nosh! -_- So so I had an amazing weekend XD.

Wednesday…Wasted the whole day *Proud smile*

Thursday… Got up 8:30 in the morning…[Fainted? It’s ok honey =/ Even I was shocked :P]…Till 10 I was quietly cleaning here and there XD. At 12 left for a friends place…came back around 6-somehting…Then went out at night. Had a great time with Annie XD.

Friday… Got up at 7 XD. [DIED? It’s ok I died too :P And and can you believe it that I just slept 5 hours XD? I know I know you don’t :P Melaw buchaw <3]

Went to PCG. [I didn’t know what it stood for =/ Pakistan Cultural Gathering. -_-]

And from 10 to 6 me and Yashma Akmal [A junior..In grade 9 XD] were together XD. I had an amazing time.

Everything was free there :P That was one reason we were so happy :P XD Psh. :P

Any ice cream. Any juice. This and that. STICKERS! =D Balloons (A).

Cotton Candy \m/ And etc. –

So first the teenagers had a tug of war :P Me and Yashma were together \m/ And like Duh my team won :P And and for that we got SO cool rings (A). =D

Like two rings that fit together to give one XD. Just like those heart lockets..That can be separated in to two. One person keeps one half and the other keeps the other one. Yeah exactly just like that shorty ;) Hiba took my half of the ring XD. ROFL. Says she’s going to wear it for the rest of her life :P And after 10 years when we’ll meet…We’ll join the rings :P XD. Oh Hiba I love you. <3

[~NEWS BREAK~

Welcome to Nosh News (NN). Aaj ki Taaza tareen important khabar yay hai k Nosheen Malik Ghulaam Nasrullah ki Birthday hai 7^th March ko. Psh.

Aaj k liyay bus itna…Miltay hain aglay haftay isi waqt per. :D]

Welcome back to the post -_- Omg. My feet ache XD. And and the liner-effect o_O NEEND! But I’m not going to sleep before I upload this post. Hpmh. Ily.

Oh well after that…You know those air-thingy’s? Like this thing filled with air…are huge…and and kids jump in those :D So yeah what-ever-that-thing-is-called…We jumped in it *shows teeth*. Ouch. I don’t know how the kids jump. I got hurt -_- And I was scared =/ Oh oh OMG! This lil girl there…Around 6 came up to me…(Me, Namwer, Hiba, Yashma…)…Were sitting in that air thing…And said…

G = “Aap yahan say hatain…Mujhay YAHIN jump kerna hai”

N = “Nae, Jump some where else…I came here first”

(Psh. She didn’t have one front tooth -_-]

*The girl kicks me*

N = “Did you just kick me? Go jump there” *points at the other corner*

G = “Kyun? Wahan jump kerna zaroori hai?”

N = “Tau yahan Jump kerna zarooori hai” *Pissed*

G = “Batameez…Moti…Naughty” *Scratches my arm* o_O. Now Hiba comes in to the scene… “Kia hai? Tameez nae hai?”

G = “Kaali Choyai (Black Mouse) Aap ko kuch kaha?”

*We all burst out laughing* But you have NO idea….HOW pissed *I* was XD.

Phir uski thori aur baysti ki humnay but she still wouldn’t shutup =/

(I HATE IT XD. I JUST HATE IT WHEN KIDS DO NOT HAVE RESPECT! MY BLOOD STARTS BOILING! AAAGH. *Shoots herself*)

It’s going to be inappropriate to mention the next part…But I want to mention it *g1*

She saw Yashma sitting next to me…And said to her… “Potty ker ri ho?” -_-

Somebody shoot me. I swear. XD. *g1* *g1* *g1*

So well…She left. Thank God -_- So when we came out of that air-thing…She was passing by -_- With her Mom. And I didn’t see her XD. Next thing I know is that she hits me on my butt =/ I was SO pissed XD. Her Mom saw it. And completely ignored it. So well…I controlled myself at that point XD.

Ate food then – Then then the McDonald people came=D [I know -_- I’m still a kid (A)]

BALLOOONS! Nice colours \m/ I took all colours :$ And and I had ‘em with me safe….but JUST when we were about to leave XD…I left my bag and balloons…Came back..And the Balloons were gone. *cries on the bed* Just one was left XD. And woh bhi I gave to this lil boy who was looking at me =) He was SO cute XD. He didn’t know how to talk…but he was trying XD XD XD XD XD.

And then there was face painting. :D YES! I GOT A BUTTERFLY XD. A green and black one on my left cheek :D I know…am a Kid again =/ So so…Guess what happened XD? [Aw mela bucha XD. *hugs* :P So like (*Eating Red Lays* :P)]

When Me and Yashma were in the waiting line…That Girl and her Mom were there -_- So blah I got my turn first…And the Mom said… “Are you a Littler girl? Stupid girl. Face painting kerwa rahi hai” and THERE! I HAD ENOUGH XD. I said “Aap ka kia masla hai?”

She said… “Main yahan pehlay ayi thi”…I said… “Tau main kia karun?”

(I know I was rude XD. But I was REALLY pissed…She should’ve seen her face…as if I was a dirty lil creature XD.) Then she kept on saying mean stuff to me. I completely ignored her. :P ROFL! Seriously XD. If people weren’t there…I think she would’ve killed me XD. Or slapped me. =/ Oh well. I’m strong. I know how to take my revenge XD. Seriously I’m not really that innocent and nice XD. Just DON’T EVER cross your limits with me XD. And I won’t cross mine. I do respect. But not to those who don’t respect me.

Oh well I LOVE Yashma for saying….”Something” on her face XD.

And yeah that still wasn’t it :P She went…And started telling this other lady about me. -_-

Grow up. $&%^&$^%&$%$^%$%#&$#&% -_- *g1*.

We had a quiz thing. General Knowledge. I passed Eheehe *shows teeth* XD =D

And and then we had this game called “Scavenger hunt” XD. 8 groups…With 5 girls in each. I was in the group with hot smesky Minarat chicks. Oh well we lost :$ :P

Anyhow. Me and Yashma had SO much fun together XD. And if I start listing everything we did…This is going to be a VERY long post…And people won’t read it =|

And if you have reached THIS line without skipping a line or without yawning and getting bored…I just love you. – From the core of my heart --

So I’ll just skip what we did through the hours and should tell you about what happened at 6 XD. This was when Annie and Ayesha asked me…If we should go home XD.

I said “No…Lucky Draw is going to take place :D”

~After half an hour~

“Sheena, Please am really tired…Let’s go…You still didn’t get anything”

“Please…Thori dayr aur XD”

~After twenty more minutes~

“C’mon…Legs ache...Got loads of work to do at home”

“Annie…See it’s my birthday…And and I KNOW God is going to me a gift =)”

~In that LAST 10 minutes~

I won thrice XD. I cried 8-). Like I KNEW it. And the fact that it came true…That god did give me a gift…Jus made me cry XD.

So I get to do free shopping at Centre point XD. I shall by me new shoes for my birthday =D And and ROFL. I also won the glucose blood level thing machine XD. I could’ve won the Dvd or the game boy or free tickets to Makkah XD…But I didn’t XD. And you know what…Mom was just telling me yesterday…That she thinks her blood sugar level is high XD. *hehem* No Mom can check it herself :P :D

*Eating Sour punk*

I’m REALLY tired XD.*Keyboard falls* Oopsy.

`I CAN write more…But:

(1.) Tired.

(2.) Got hw to do 8-)

(3.) Too long = People will get bored

(4.) I love you *hehem* <.< *shows teeth*. I really do.

I don’t want to read it and take out my mistakes XD. Just tell me if I have any mistake –

G’nyte, Slptyte, Swtdreams XD.

Take care and have a nice day tomorrow. Love you.

Simply...Screwed?

Achay bachay nae routay. Sirf achay say parhtay hain. Aur acha result latay hain. Aur Mama Papa ko kush kertay hain. Phir waldayn du-aa-ayn daytay hain. Phir baray ho ker achi job milti hai. [Phir chocolates khaatay hain :D :D :D]
So what if I don’t get a good result? *dies*.
Yes yes I know I’ll still get into a university and bla bla and on…
Jao marjao. =/ Na it wasn’t for you my dear Reader <3 :P XD :D =) [Just felt like saying it -_- Kill me.]
Ok so BLAH! *cries on the bed* Yes, *sniff* I got my Chem and Phy paper back *wipes away tears*. And yes it wasn’t what I expected. :’(
The Chem unit 4 was literally on my finger tips. I expected a B…But bla *sniff*.
And physics…Parhnay k baaad bhi. Kill physics. =(
And bury it in Mars so it never comes back. =(
I should get an award for my Lameness :D Nae? =D =D BleUgh. -_-
The burn hurts. Yes that burn that I got on Thursday on my thumb right hand walla while ironing my clothes. Stewpid. Wohi jaga mili thi burn honay kay liyay. Pagal iron.*g1*
And it’s like on that joint-thing. I write. It hurts. And eff. In the exam we have to write and write and write…and stop. =/
Ok Blah.
OMG!!! I am supposed to be pissed. YOU KNOW HOW THEY SPELLED MY NAME ON MY IQAMA!!??? YOU KNOW HOW BADLY IT PISSES ME OFF IF SOME ONE SPELLS MY NAME WRONG!? I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT -_-
It’s N-O-S-H-E-E-N M-A-L-K.
They spelled it as:
NUSHIN MALAK! *bangs head in the wall*. Malik bhi nae. Malak ho main.
Dude. Get a life. And spell the names right. -_- Nosheen Malik. -_-
Oh blah my head hurts looking at the capital letters. Seriously. When I type in capital letters. MEANS IM REALLY PISSED!!
Oh oh I had a weird dream last night.
Like um. Urdu debates were co. Blah. And I was in the debates. And I didn’t write my debate and I was screwed cuz of Mrs. R. [Anyhow, I’m not in the debates this year]
And then I see Mrs. Sm. And blah. I can’t exactly write what happened next. 8-)
It’s Bhai’s birthday on Friday XD. =D
He had to go back today XD. But nae gaya :P He didn’t even buy the ticket -_-
Says he doesn’t feel like going XD. And wants to stay for some time more XD
Alay mela bucha :’) Mota. He had to pick me up from school today…and I waited and waited and waited…I came home at 12 [AN HOUR LATE] -_- He was sleeping -_-
And hmm I was just wondering today that…like don’t men get annoyed…
Like a married man. Has a job. Wife does a job too. Leaves his office to go pick up his wife. And does this and that…Don’t they get pissed =/?
Oh blah. Why am I worrying -_-
I’ll drive myself. Won’t let him do my work *hehem*. :P :D XD.
*Yawn*. I’m supposed to be sleeping XD. And I feel bad cuz I’m up and I didn’t wash the dishes. =/ Too tired to get up. And put my hands in water. Even though it’s not so cold today. WHY isn’t it cold today :’(. I like cold. <3
My bed is calling me. -_-
G’nyte –
[AND OMG IF I DID SO BAD AT UNIT 4 WHICH I KNEW WHAT WILL HAPPPEN IN UNIT 5 THAT I DON’ T KNOW :O! *dies*]

Family.

It happened. Topic came up. Annie cried XD.
Bhai started crying because he understands what his sister feels.
What she feels...Oh Annie XD. If you ever read my this post...You'll know how much I'm proud of you. I have tears in my eyes man. XD
I started crying when I saw brother cry. XD
Cuz I know what he feels...
I NEVER want to see you guys cry ever again XD. Don't cry...Ever.
O how I wish I was older than both of you.
I would do everything for you both.
But I don't want to see a fucking tear in your eyes.
I HATE...HATE....HATE seeing you both like that.
Mama and Papa...Just wait for a few years...
I WILL do something. You will see. The world will see.
I know it. I just know it. I will do it.
*Wipes away tears*.
Your tears are really precious to me.