Saturday, August 13, 2011

Happy Birthday again! =)

10th August.
I know I know I  don’t blog as much as before and when I do it’s not like before XD.
Am sorry. Not. *Grinning*
Yes a lot of things have changed around me. About me. Things that will never be the same.
Stopped arguing though with myself. Why did this happen and that and blah blah.
I don’t care any more. (I do care -_- But I just don’t care to care that do I care anymore? Makes sense to you?)
Anyhow. It’s Ramadan. And. I feel nothing. As in I feel a lot of things but I feel nothing…I’m ok with it. Getting used to everything now…
Am so confused myself. Doubt you would actually even understand what am talking about :S
Soooo…I miss my lil girls XD <3
Hated my job cuz of many things…But…The kids just made it all so special.
They made me feel so loved…So loved that I can’t tell you. They made my world so beautiful. There compliments on my clothes made my day. Hehe XD
So this week…a few friends posted about how much they love their Dads and wishing them Happy Birthday…
And here I am writing a post for you, Dad. =]
I don’t think I’ll make a cake this time. Things got awkward last time…And then everyone will be just sad.
So I’ll just try to be happy on 14th August cuz it’s going to be your birthday and because I love you.
Sometimes I think how you are right now.
And as I grow up…Day by day…I realize how much of a bad daughter I have been.
No ones knows it. But I do. And it’s a very bad feeling XD.
And I can’t do anything to make it go away!
Not any words. Not anything.

Love you, Dad.

13Th August.
An hour left for it to be the 14th.
I’m sorry Dad I made no cake XD
I’m so sorry.
I just wish you’re fine where ever you are =)
And just that I love you so much!
Happy Birthday.
Really missing you today.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

One more time. Just one...

I am very low right now.
Confused. Things are really messed up in my head right now.
I really miss him.
And looking at this picture with him made me cry.
The white hair. I still remember how they were XD. The texture…
Your skin was so soft and just…you.
And I can’t…Can’t stop thinking about how your last moments were. Your last few minutes.
Must’ve been painful?
I still wish to take the pain away from you. Be me please. And not you.
But nothing happens.
I am still here. Trying to live on with life and still trying to accept the fact that you’re gone. I do have good times too. But...No you to make proud.
Can you believe it…It’s going to be one whole year next month.
I’m scared. Scared to face that day. Time flies. Why? WHY?
And I clearly remember all that happened since then. Everything. 
I have played the scenes over and over in my head.
11 March. You left. We find out on the 13th. See you last on the 15th.
I want to see you once more.
I hope it’s not dark where you are.
I miss you calling me every night before sleeping so I could daba-fy your legs.
And when Mom asked me to separate  the Mint and Parsley leaves..I’d come to you. So you could do it cuz I  hated it.
And how I was proud to have a Dad like you.
I still am.
You were surely the best Dad anyone could ever have.
The only one who supported and let me drink pepsi. And you’d usually bring me chocolates and gums. And Mom would scold you cuz she said you wasted money XD.
Always quiet. Your presence…I can’t say anything.
I can’t question.
I can’t do anything.
You were so sweet and kind to everyone.
And what did you get? A life full of problems and betrayal!
Oh how I hate everyone for doing that to you Dad.
Selfish F****** Bastards.  XD.

Every time I'm sad. Anything happens. I always end up thinking and crying about you.
And then that thing I was sad about...seems so silly and stupid to me. 
Again in the end I come back to your last minutes.
Imagining it is just so painful. What must have you felt in real then?
What did you last think? Did it hurt when you fell? What did you see before that?
Why you?
I wish I was in your place.