Saturday, February 12, 2011

One more time. Just one...

I am very low right now.
Confused. Things are really messed up in my head right now.
I really miss him.
And looking at this picture with him made me cry.
The white hair. I still remember how they were XD. The texture…
Your skin was so soft and just…you.
And I can’t…Can’t stop thinking about how your last moments were. Your last few minutes.
Must’ve been painful?
I still wish to take the pain away from you. Be me please. And not you.
But nothing happens.
I am still here. Trying to live on with life and still trying to accept the fact that you’re gone. I do have good times too. But...No you to make proud.
Can you believe it…It’s going to be one whole year next month.
I’m scared. Scared to face that day. Time flies. Why? WHY?
And I clearly remember all that happened since then. Everything. 
I have played the scenes over and over in my head.
11 March. You left. We find out on the 13th. See you last on the 15th.
I want to see you once more.
I hope it’s not dark where you are.
I miss you calling me every night before sleeping so I could daba-fy your legs.
And when Mom asked me to separate  the Mint and Parsley leaves..I’d come to you. So you could do it cuz I  hated it.
And how I was proud to have a Dad like you.
I still am.
You were surely the best Dad anyone could ever have.
The only one who supported and let me drink pepsi. And you’d usually bring me chocolates and gums. And Mom would scold you cuz she said you wasted money XD.
Always quiet. Your presence…I can’t say anything.
I can’t question.
I can’t do anything.
You were so sweet and kind to everyone.
And what did you get? A life full of problems and betrayal!
Oh how I hate everyone for doing that to you Dad.
Selfish F****** Bastards.  XD.

Every time I'm sad. Anything happens. I always end up thinking and crying about you.
And then that thing I was sad about...seems so silly and stupid to me. 
Again in the end I come back to your last minutes.
Imagining it is just so painful. What must have you felt in real then?
What did you last think? Did it hurt when you fell? What did you see before that?
Why you?
I wish I was in your place.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. It takes strength to write about a loss as big as yours. Really it touched my heart in a way I can't even explain. You have the memories. Let them help you heal dear. May he rest in peace.

  3. Very Touching post.
    I wish you didn't have to go through this. no one should have to go through this. May Uncle's soul rest in peace
    i still remember how he used to hide behind the door when i used to come over, and he used to say "meow" aai hai. he was the sweetest and most polite person i knew.
    I'm sure he's proud of you. Proud of the person you have become.and also, he would want you to be happy. it would hurt him to see you cry.

  4. I feel your pain. May Allah always bless his soul and grant him place in jannah al firdous, Ameen.
    This post was very emotional. Just don't know... what to say.

  5. Very touchin' .. sWeetie i dont have words to xplain .. Just can say "Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Illahi Raji'oon"
    Love U. . .

  6. Oh Honey... I hope you find the comfort someday, may your dad rest in peace and be filled with joy.
    I have no presence in your life, however, I did loss my dad 2 years ago. I understand what you're going through. There is nothing someone would say that will make you feel a certain way, and the feeling of missing him will come back once on a while. But know you're not alone, and that whatever you do, he'll be watching over you and God had his own reasons... He is doing good, real good.. waiting for the right day that you may go join him again.
    Much Love...